As she crawls out of bed of another sleepless night, she slowly walks into the bathroom. Staring blankly into the mirror, and asks herself, "Why? Why do I feel this way?" She sighs and gets dressed.

After she gets dressed into something baggy to cover her bony limbs, she walks past the second bedroom, where her fiancee is playing his computer game, oblivious to the rest of the world. Walks into the living room, sits on the futon and turns on the TV with the remote.

Nothing is on TV is interesting to her. Days of Our Lives is becoming a bit too dramatic, and Passions is too cheesy. She wants it to be night time. Where Law & Order and all the rest of the good shows will be on. But no. She has to work today.

Work.

Talking to the dumb masses calling in to get their appliances and TV's fixed.

Instead of eating breakfast, she decides to go take a shower. Wouldn't be so bad, but the water keeps fluctuating from hot to cold every few minutes. She skips using the shower gel, and sticks to actual shampoo, conditioner and soap.

In a few minutes she has to drive her fiancee to work.

So much for drying and curling her hair that day.

So much for feeling her usual self.

A few hours later, she has to drive herself to work. It isn't very far, just several blocks. A lot of traffic lights. Stop and go. She notices that the brakes needs work. Don't have too much money in the bank. Enough, but not enough to get the car fixed.

She parks the car a block away from her office building, and gets out of the car. Only about twenty minutes till five o'clock, no need to pay the parking meter. She notices the Parking Meter Nazi walking past the parking area, then to across the street, away from her. She sighs from relief. Walks out of the parking area, and onto the sidewalke towards the crosswalk.

Damn. Stupid red light. Have to wait. Good, green. She walks across the crosswalk and onto the sidewalk and opens the door into her office building. Swipes her I.D. card, and opens the second set of doors. She doesn't feel like walking up stairs, so she waits literally forever for the stupid elevator to open it's doors.

They open, finally. She walks in, presses the number for her floor. Elevator pauses, and goes up to her floor. Doors open.

Walks onto the floor, and to her desk.

Another day talking to the dumb masses. She likes her job, to an extent. No one likes to talk to escalating people. Her co-workers tell her not to take those kind of calls personally. She nods and agrees but she knows in her heart that she does take them personally.

She wants to move. Move back to her homestate. But how much will it cost? Will her parents help her move? Probably not. Not her mother. The incident earlier this month severed ties, or what was left. (or did they?) Her father loves her to death. But he is still a bit weary of her fiancee. But not as much as before.

She wants to move out of this hole. It isn't as bad as it could, she knows that, but its a hole in her life. And she wants out. She loves her fiancee and his family and friends, its just the town. The area they live in. Low wages + low cost of living = not what she is used to.

She is used to a big front yard, a big house, in a nice area of town. She's used to riding the lawn mower to cut the grass for her father, so he could work on his car. She's used to playing in the creek while her sister is riding horses. She's used to talking to her two bestfriends while her mom is cooking dinner.

She used to be a carefree type of person. A person who you could walk up to and talk about anything. Used to laugh, smile, have not a care in the world.

But she has changed.

Now she is tired, not eating very much and a liar.

A liar to herself, her fiancee and family.

She goes to bed hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. Hoping that no one will comment on the way she looks, behaves, talks. Hoping that she can sleep longer than 4hrs.

Past Five:
12 May 2006 * Workaholic
16 April 2006 * It's Easter!
20 March 2006 * And she comes back
07 January 2006 * Starting over, elsewhere. I think.
02 January 2006 * Face your fears