I feel so incredibly alone now. I left all my friends in Indiana.. and I haven't talked to Chris in two days. Yeah yeah, I miss him, a whole lot. I had a very bad day at school today. The gas in my car is super low, but I don't know where any close gas stations are around here.

My parents are out of town for half of this week, wedding anniversary. Fun. It would be if I wasn't so damn depressed all the time and if the dog wouldn't mis-behave.

*sighs*

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I don't want to face the stupid jerk off's in class again. I know I'm much more mature than them, but still. A person can take only so much. And at this point, I've had it. I'm down to a point where I can't even hear the teacher, that the 'boys' are talking and joking around. Morons. Don't they know that they are making the line even thinner between graduating and passing? Idiots.

I feel.. bad.

Not in a sense that I literally feel sick, but I feel like I have broken something, special.

Never had a strong relationship with my father. To everyone else, he's just a bad aspect in my life. I partly agree. Then again, I want to fix it, for the better. I want to feel good talking to him. I don't want to feel like I have to hold anything back.

My father is a narrow-minded person. He doesn't like the idea that I'm not religious. Everytime I mentioned anything about Chris, he would say something like, "Well, I'm glad Chris is religious, he would be a great influence on you."

Excuse me dad? Did you not hear me when I said I don't believe in God, and probably will never? He never soaks in anything I say to him. So, to me, I feel like I'm just dismissed, I'm not in his life, if he doesn't listen to what I have to say. Whenever I need to ask or tell him something he always makes excuses to get out of the situation. But with my sister, Vee he's open to talk to her. Its like something is wrong with me.

Yes, I can say that I am over-emotional, I admit it. But when my father gave away my most favorite pet (more like a brother to me-that I never had)... that hurt. I don't think he really understands how much that hurts me emotionally. Like he rules the house, and I'm not a part of it.

Kramer (my dog) was so loved by everyone.. I knew what he was thinking, and he knew what I was thinking.. Its weird like that, but its true. I feel so bad that I didn't go pick him up, or explain to the lady my dad sold him to.. about my dad just didn't feel like taking care of Kramer while Vee and I were in Washington state during June. My sister called the lady a few times, but each time, no answer. I'm thinking dad sold Kramer.. I mean, he's worth a lot.

Kramer was "our" family. You can't just give your mom away just because you don't like her.. Ugh. I honestly hate my dad for what he has caused.

I am still categorized as having "Major Depression" and we all know why. But that above, its only a little bit of the pile.

*sighs*

I'll go into more of it later.

~Nicki~

Past Five:
12 May 2006 * Workaholic
16 April 2006 * It's Easter!
20 March 2006 * And she comes back
07 January 2006 * Starting over, elsewhere. I think.
02 January 2006 * Face your fears