I haven't been very honest to you all and to myself. I have been lying to myself ever since I went to the doctor in early October. When I told him that my Depression came back, he asked me if I ever felt suicidal. Naturally my eyes bugged out and I choked back my yes and said no. I have since late 1998, but most of the time that particular thought is absent from my mind.

Some people say that they can relate, possibly. But theyhave never been in my shoes. After all this time, I can honestly say that I am still alive and somewhat doing well. I am no longer absent-mindingly (is that a word?) starving myself. In fact, I am at 105lbs. Though my doctor said that based on my height, 5'9", I am to be at least 120lbs to be at a normal weight. I am getting there. Two years ago I was only at 89lbs. And the worst part of it all: my Dad and I didn't get along; I couldn't stand my sister; my Mom criticized me too much; my friends stopped talking to me; I moved across the country from Indiana to Washington and started my fifth year of HS; I was homesick. And only one person truely supported me: Chris. If it wasn't for him, I probably would not be here explaining to you all how sh*tty my life was, just a few years ago. Anyway so yeah, I got help instead of waiting almost a year. I am on Paxil - makes me feel like a zombie - numb all over.

Subject change: As I was telling Jen earlier this evening I am still planning on to get my own website, but I am unsure of where to purchase the domain and registration from. Any ideas anyone?

Blah!

Today I was brainstorming to design more templates for my design site. I was thinking about adding some image templates too.

Vee will be visiting our mom for Thanksgiving. I so want to go. Our mom lives on an island off of Washington state, about 700 miles from GF.

For some reason I had a dream about Steak 'n Shake in Indy and the Shane Company commercial: "off of 96th street and I-69" haha.

....Nevermind.

There was just a Spam commercial about mixing chunks, yes chunks of spam in your Macaroni & cheese. Then the next commercial about dogs, the Animal Planet channel or something anyway, I just had a thought... What is Spam reallymade out of?

bark...bark...

Haha... Dumb & Dumber rocks. I don't know where that came from, but I needed to come up with a creative titile for this entry to get more readers to read this thing. Even though I had over two hundred hits yesterday, and none were mine. Weee!

This Saturday around 3:30 marks the "Snack Night" at work. I find it humorous, considering 3:30 pm isn't nighttime, just afternoon. So I don't know what I'll be bringing. Originally I was going to make some homemade rice krispie treats, but Dorothy will be making a chocolate version. So much for that idea.

Ow. My teeth keep aching, I hate to rely on tylenol and sleeping pills in order to stay asleep each night... gah.

Past Five:
12 May 2006 * Workaholic
16 April 2006 * It's Easter!
20 March 2006 * And she comes back
07 January 2006 * Starting over, elsewhere. I think.
02 January 2006 * Face your fears