As a result of the reduction in money budgeted for the division purposes, we are going to make cuts in personnel. Under the plan, older employees will go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent out future plans. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year via early retirement will be placed into effect immediately. The program shall be known as RAPE (retired aged personnel early). Employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to secure other jobs within the system, provided that while they are being RAPED, they request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of operation is called SCREW (survey of capabilities of retired early workers). All employees who have been RAPED or SCREWED may also apply for a trial review; this will be called SHAFT (study of higher authority following termination). Program policy dictates that employees may be RAPED once and SCREWED twice, but may get the SHAFT as many times as the Company deems appropiate.

Past Five:
12 May 2006 * Workaholic
16 April 2006 * It's Easter!
20 March 2006 * And she comes back
07 January 2006 * Starting over, elsewhere. I think.
02 January 2006 * Face your fears