I told Emily about my Depression and that I think I should see a therapist. She understood and said if it will make me happy to go talk to one. She and I exchanged stories, I also told her that in previous years I was suicidal, the ways I attempted and the reasons I stopped myself. Emily said that whenever I needed to talke to someone about this, I can call her anytime. It is nice to know that I have someone who I can trust, especially at work.

I'm worried that my supervisor overheard our (mine and Emily's) conversation about my Depression, of what he might say or do. Will he do anything? There is a possibility he may say something to me later today after the team meeting. I am nervous. What will he say? Will I burst into tears like when my mangager at my old Wal-Mart job asked me if I deserved a promotion? Or will my face turn red and be embarassed so much that I run out of the room? Or am I worrying about nothing? He (my sup) isn't like others. He actually cares about everyone on his team. I am probably fretting about nothing.

I told Emily that there really isn't any reason I should be depressed, but she said that I had many major changes recently. Like: moving in with Chris and away from my life with friends and family in Indiana; and getting married less than six months ago. I partially agree with the marriage one, considering that I've been living with Chris for a year and a half now. And also another point that has been sticking with me since I started in July of 2001, I have felt ignored and invisible. After I told emily that third reason, I felt like bursting into tears, like a heavy weight was lifted off of me, but that temporary happiness disappeared after she went home. Once again I felt invisible.

I have some good news. I got a 100% monitor yesterday, but it was dated on the 20th. Oh and maybe that trip that Emily and I were planning can still happen. I need to ask my supervisor if there is a possiblity of getting that week approved.

This morning after I add this entry I will be adding an extra feature to the Reviews section. I will add a small screenshot of what particular review site reviewed for this journal. If you don't know what I'm talking about, just wait for about 30min - 1 hour, it will be up.

Past Five:
12 May 2006 * Workaholic
16 April 2006 * It's Easter!
20 March 2006 * And she comes back
07 January 2006 * Starting over, elsewhere. I think.
02 January 2006 * Face your fears